Solitude
by Breeze1
Summary: Takes place During the episode 30 Days, so I guess you all know who the main character is. :)


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This story takes place during the episode 30 days, and could be considered as an AU, if you wish.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, none of them. Not even the definitions, but I will take credit for the ideas.

Author's note: Well, this was just stuck in my head forever so here it is. Enjoy.

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Solitude

He awoke in his cell and all the memories came flooding back to him. Well, it looked like he got locked up in the last place he'd ever thought it would happen, on Voyager. 

Solitude: The state of being solitary. A deserted or lonely place. He hated being alone, he'd spent what seemed like his whole life alone, but he knew he had brought it upon himself, he always did. He could mentally hear his father running through a list of everything that he had done wrong, and finish it with that one damn statement. _You've done it again Tom, you've screwed up. You're not worthy of the Paris name. _He shook off the unwanted memories and began to pace his cell. He could do this, he'd get through it. There were only 27 days left.

He awoke in his cell, a slight sweat cooling his skin. It was okay though, he was okay. It was only a dream, it all happened a long time ago, in a completely different quadrant. He chuckled slightly and anyone within hearing would have thought he was loosing it. He found it funny that his nightmares were so much worse when he was locked up, but he supposed that wasn't too unusual. 

He placed himself into a pushup position and began his daily exercise. God it was boring here, he really needed something to distract his wandering mind. He usually had the benefits of the holodeck, but not here. Not even the guard would talk to him. There were only 24 days left, he could do this.

You'd at least think that they'd give him replicated prison food, but no. They decided to give him Neelix's wonderful meals. Lucky him. He didn't feel up to eating anything anymore. It wasn't that he despised the Talaxian's food, if he were to be honest he'd have to admit he actually liked most of it. He just didn't feel up to eating. So he sat there with the tray, building things with it distracted him until Neelix came and took it away. The guy wouldn't even stay with him longer than a few moments, he barley uttered a word whenever he was there. Why? Did he despise him for what he'd done? No, that wasn't fair. Neelix would stay if he were allowed. Tom had been bad, and now he had to deal with the consequences. There were 21 days left.

Nightmare: A horrible and frightening dream. 

He awoke with a jump and forced himself to take deep breaths until he calmed. He hated sleeping sometimes, too many memories were involved, and he wasn't particularly fond of most memories. He'd grown up with his father, and had been reminded on a regular basis about how he wasn't "good enough". He was never good enough, that was probably why he was here now, another failure to add to his list. He shivered and lay back down, there were 18 days left.

He awoke quickly and almost rolled off his cot. He couldn't decide at the moment whether it was better to remain asleep or awake in this small cell. The walls were always closing in when he was awake, and the nightmares threatened him whenever he closed his eyes.

Why had no one come to see him, at least for a small greeting? The Doctor had come when he'd been hurt, but he'd spoken with a clipped professional attitude, like he was some unknown patient. Had they given up on him like his family and friends back on earth? Couldn't they understand that he had to do what he did? Following his heart hadn't made him a worse person than he already was, did it? 15 days left.

He did pushups until his arms were numb and sit-ups until his gut felt like it would rip from the effort. The guard watched him passively from his post, like he was a caged animal. Animal, maybe it was a good way of describing himself. People always watched, studied him, teased him, made sure he kept in line. The Cardassians had been good at keeping him in line, they were good in their methods, the best at what they did. Torture had never been something he'd enjoyed, and they had done their best to keep him thinking that.

It was curious how he could go through something like that and no one had ever even expected it, they still didn't. Why was it that those who claimed to know so much about him, had absolutely no idea? Why? It was a simple question, with a simple answer: Tom Paris was a loser, a failure, a bum who spent his days, after being thrown out of the academy, drinking away his worries at bars. Well, they could think that, it was just as well.

Fear: A continuing state or attitude of fright, dread, or alarmed concern. 12 days left.

Harry had come, he said he'd begged the Captain to let him visit. Well, he supposed that was nice, but they hadn't been the ones locked up, alone. Why did they deny him the basic need of friendship? It was simple; no one cared, well, except for Harry. Starfleet had never liked him, that went triple for the Marquis. He was "untrue" to the whole cause. What did they know. He had a reason for everything that he did, except Caldick prime, but that had been unavoidable given the circumstances. Vengeance had never been a large goal in his views though. Acceptance was, but he wasn't sure he'd ever get that. 9 days.

If he didn't start eating more they'd come and force him to eat. The mere thought of food wasn't appealing, but he knew what he had to do. His hands shook slightly whenever he looked at them. His head throbbed, but he was a survivor. He'd survived his father, the Cardassians, Starfleet, the Marquis, all his ordeals with Voyager. He would survive this. He had to eat to look healthier, to get his strength back. He didn't want them to see what this was doing to him.

Pity: A grief or pain awakened by the misfortune of others. He didn't want their pity. He would survive. 6 days.

They came for him and he stood slowly, looking calm. An act: To pretend; to play a part so as to appear. He would survive.

End. Any comments? Any???


End file.
